There seems to be a controversy right nowâ€”according to one of the major morning news showsâ€”over a trilogy written by E. L. James. The first book in the trilogy, which is what they were talking about, is called Shades of Grey and it is an erotic BDSM womenâ€™s fantasy.
Seeing that I write erotic BDSM womenâ€™s fantasies, I definitely take exception to the mediaâ€™s take on these â€śkindsâ€ť of books. Even Dr. Drew had to get his nose in there and say how wrong this kind of writing is.
First of all, Dr. Drew admitted he had never read the book, but he says itâ€™s not right to show violence against women. And then of course, had to go into claiming that people who want to read about violence against women also fantasize about violence against children!
About this time my hackles were really up, and Iâ€™m bitching at the television while my dear husband is desperately trying to make himself as small as possible and not get drawn into my one-sided discussion with a piece of electronics.
I will say I have not read Shades of Grey. I have read many reviews and a few excerpts, and I do plan to give it a read eventuallyâ€”when I have the time. What I can say is that I donâ€™t see much difference in E. L. Jamesâ€™s stories and the Incognito series I wrote with Madison Layle. Erotic BDSM womenâ€™s fantasy. These stories are written by women, for women, not Dr. Drew! And if Dr. Drew would have shut up long enough to listen to the female relationship expert seated next to him on the studioâ€™s couch, he would have to realize that the books are not written for his approval.
I have nothing against Dr. Drew and have watched his shows now and then. I am fuming because I donâ€™t think a man should be brought in to give his holier than thou opinion on something he hasnâ€™t read, doesnâ€™t understand, and isnâ€™t aimed at his demographic.
So let me voice my feeling about erotic BDSM womenâ€™s fantasies.
First of all, there is a whole sub culture in the real world that live the lifestyle of BDSM. This means itâ€™s a very real thing, and I can only speak for Madi and myself, but when we were researching for our series, we did everything we could to stay as true to the lifestyle as possible. It is not sick and depraved; it is as normal to the participants as a suburban household is to the â€śaverage married coupleâ€ť. It does not condone violence against women. Itâ€™s based on a mutual agreement between consenting adults, and no one (in the real lifestyle) is ever â€śtrappedâ€ť or â€śheld captiveâ€ť against his or her will. The BDSM lifestyle is not synonymous with sexual crimes like rape, human trafficking, or domestic abuse.
Now, on to these books we write for women. As a romance author, I can attest to the fact that sex sells. Women, free-willed women in the 21st century, women ages 18-80 (yes, I have some fans in their 80â€™s) like to read about romance and the sex that comes with a healthy sexual/romantic relationship. I write some sweet romances where sex is not the biggest factor in the romance, and I write some not-so-sweet erotic fantasies where sex is very important in the story. That mutual sexual pleasure is the most important. And women, no matter what the â€śexpertsâ€ť say, fantasize about some pretty dark stuff sometimes and enjoy fantasizing about those things! There is nothing abnormal in fantasizing about mature, consenting adults sharing mutual sexual satisfaction, no matter what goes on in those fantasies.
If it were abnormal, I donâ€™t think so many women would read my books. I donâ€™t think that our BDSM series would have become a bestseller. I am glad that I write books that women can read and enjoy. I like the fact that I get an email now and then from a woman who tells me she loves the series and how it has spiced up her relationship, given her and her partner some ideas to share in the bedroom.
So back off, Dr. Drew, and the unknowing, misunderstanding American Media. Women know what they like to read. Writers want to please their readers. I always congratulate a writer who pushes the envelope and finds a new niche.
As for me, Iâ€™m going to keep writing fantasies for womenâ€”of all kinds!
Thanks to my readers. I do this for you.